New Friends

I am a pretty social person. So when I uprooted my whole life and moved it to a different community so my sweetie and I didn't have to spend most of our time together over the phone, my socialization came to somewhat of a standstill.

I like having more than one friend around that I feel like I can call up at any time of the week and make plans with. I have been spoiled with great friends who had a lot of time to spend with me, who I was close enough with that it was sort of just a given that I would see them almost once a week. They are my family.

It took me a long time to adjust to being back in my hometown, finding myself feeling so far away from the people who know me better than anyone. Since I've been back, I have always been surrounded by kind and welcoming people. I just haven't been struck by that spark of immediate friendship often. I realized that I had to admit that I am a bit picky when it comes to people. As I said before, I have been spoiled with great friendships, ones I still have and by no means am I looking to replace. I also, despite my social nature, only have a limited amount of social energy these days as I have become more in touch with my introverted side. 

I also found myself needing to adjust to the fact that  all of a sudden I didn't have my  own space anymore. I love living with my boyfriend, and he is always happy to make himself scarce if I need some one-on-one friend time, but it is definitely different when you don't have your own private clubhouse to hang in with your best pals. Sort of like an emotional fortress of non-solitude where you can share stories and secrets freely. That does bring on a whole new facet of socialization though: Couples Friends. It really is a thing. Finding a couple that you both feel compatible with and seems to tolerate all your weird couple stuff is an accomplishment! And very rewarding.

Setting up your social group for what could be the rest of your life is challenging. I am in a constant battle between homebody and wanderlust, so I need stable friendships to keep me grounded. I think I have found some who hopefully don't mind my saying that  I am in it for the long haul. My partner and I are established here. Barring several drastic life changing decisions, we are staying put indefinitely. The average age in our community is over 60 so finding friends in your age range who are in similar life stages, and have compatible interests, personalities, and schedules is not always a cake walk.

Technology has given us the ability to stay in touch better than ever. I still feel incredibly close to my best friends, despite being physically apart. But there is something about being able to hug someone hello and goodbye. Getting a crew together at your house to share a meal (and maybe a lawn game or a Christmas light-lit deck dance party) is just different. I love to host and I find it comforting to have people in my home chatting, sharing, getting to know each other. I like to bring people together. It's not entirely altruistic, I know that I have a desire to be liked, accepted. I do also love to tell stories (maybe a little too much!). Maybe it's my latent theatre skills bursting through, maybe it's just my ego, either way I need to keep it in check when I feel like I have an audience.

I have a few friends who have recently left Vancouver to follow their spouses on adventures, even just the one we call building a life together. I know they might feel the same way. I'm a lot shyer than most people think, so I haven't put myself out there enough until recently. Open up, ask people to hang out, just do it. The worst that can happen is they say no, and the best is you could make a life-long friend. Worth it.